Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
