Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
