Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's always time for handjobs
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
