This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
