I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
