I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
