He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize