I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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