I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
do nipples grow back?
Randomize