So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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