Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize