i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
