I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
