I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
