maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
