it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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