so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
