that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
