i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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