Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Jerry, you need to find god
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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