My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
