cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
