What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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