my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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