I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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