She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
