I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
where are my eyebrows?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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