Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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