it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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