scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
