My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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