make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just want nice things and good sex
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize