Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
