I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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