plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
