I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
