He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
