Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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