dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
