i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I deserve this hangover.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
