My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
