I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
