Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
