I am in a vortex of obligation.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
