i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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