We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
