Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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