shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
