Why does Corona taste like a burp?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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