I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
