I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
