I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
