I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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