Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Someone shattered a urinal.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize