I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
