hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
