i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
i need some magic done to my vagina
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
