Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
