New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
