her vagine was all disorganized.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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