Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
