He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
