I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
