The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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