Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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