They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
