We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize