im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's official drugs can't kill me
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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