Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
