I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The uberlube is also flammable
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
