My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Someone came in the potted fern
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize