Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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