I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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