That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
