Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
