I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
