Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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