My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
