Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
