Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
