im about as happy as oj after his trial
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
