you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
did you just send me my own nude
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
