I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
