you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
