Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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