A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
