he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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