I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
soo... how was my night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
