That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
