You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize