Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The Olympian is in my bed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
