I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
